Labor and Delivery

Aug 8 2012 was not the best day but from the start Aug 9 was the best day of my life!

At 6am on August 8 I had to call the hospital to make sure my room was available (much better) for my induction and it was! Tyler and I then headed out, stopped got him a coffee (we did not even get 2 hours of sleep the night before) and arrived at the hospital right on time. When we arrived they got me into a room, I signed some papers and then my doctor came in to check me. I was still only 2 cms dilated so she decided along with the pitocin they should do a balloon catheter. What they do is they insert the catheter into your cervix and blow it up on either side of the cervix to create pressure like the baby’s head would to dilate it. Putting in the catheter caused a lot of pain that felt like contractions. They gave me a shot for the pain and I fell asleep for the next 3 hours.

When I woke up, the contractions were still happening but I was not in any pain, meaning that unfortunately the contractions were doing nothing. At around 2 a nurse came in and said my doctor was in delivery but was going to come in when she was done to check me and decide what to do. She also said that there was a possibility that I would be going home. I was devastated. (After being in the hospital all day and pregnant for 9 months I was more than ready for that baby to be born!) At 4:30 she finally came in and took out the catheter and thankfully I was 5 cms dilated! Since I was finally moving along she decided to break my water. She told me I needed to walk around for 2 hours before I could get an epidural if I chose to get one. The contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes and started getting stronger and stronger. My 2 hours were not up yet so they suggested I get into the tub. It worked for the first 15 minutes but soon was doing nothing.

I got back into bed and it was time for my epidural. Right before I got nauseous and ending up getting sick which was no fun. The anesthesiologist came in and FINALLY gave me my epidural. I was concerned it would hurt but I was so focused on my breathing that I did not even feel it. I started feeling better in minutes. I even told the doctor (anesthesiologist?) he was my new best friend.

By the time the epidural fully kicked it it was about 7pm. For the next few hours I just laid in bed and tried to rest a little. At about 10:30pm my doctor came in and checked me. I was 10 centimeters. I thought it was finally time to push but my doctor said she wanted me to labor longer since I could not feel anything; that way I would not have to push for very long. They had me sit up more to let gravity help. She warned me I would probably be pushing for 2-3 hours since it was my first time and I had an epidural. I attempted to sleep for the next hour and a half.

At 11:45 she came back in and asked if I was ready to have a baby… OF COURSE I was ready! I was so excited! I started pushing around 12am. I could feel pressure but no pain, so I pushed when I felt that needed to. Between pushes I was taking sips of water and I was on oxygen. To be honest I don’t even remember why I was getting oxygen because I was a little preoccupied when they told me. At 12:33am I finally met the little man that had been living inside of me for the past 9 months. It was the best moment of my life. They laid him on my chest for a few minutes before taking him to measure. He was 7lbs 15oz, and 21 1/2 inches. At first he had a slight fever and was no really crying as much as he should have been. While they were doing all they had to do with him they finished with me. The placenta came out very easily, I didn’t have to push. I got 1 stitch, but she said I did not really need it. They brought him back to me and allowed the grandparents in to see him for a few minutes but they could not hold him due to his slight health problems. After about 15 minutes Tyler left with Ryder to go to the nursery and I got to finally eat something. 

It may have been a rough nine months (and certainly a rough 16 hours!) but it was all worth it to be able to finally meet my son, Ryder James.

My new PERFECT family<3

My little man and I<3

Daddy and Ryder<3

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Breast is not ALWAYS best

            This is one argument that no matter what not everyone will agree on. I hate seeing things that say "breast is best", because it is not always best.  That may be your personal opinion but its not a set in stone fact. To see mothers saying I am a bad mom (not me personally, formula feeding mothers), because I formula feed absolutely kills me. My family tells me to ignore it but how can I? It hurts. I was 100% planning on breastfeeding my son, because I know it is the BETTER choice when it comes to feeding most babies. Like I  wrote on my other breastfeeding entry I can not breastfeed. I was devastated that I couldn't breastfeed, I cried a a lot and seeing women saying I was a bad mother because I couldn't made it worse.
              The medication I am on would not be good for Ryder. I was not going to chance the chemicals going into my milk and then to him. I considered holding off on my medication until Ryder was a little older and breastfeed for a few months and pump like crazy to last me a little bit after that. I formula fed in the hospital, never once tried breastfeeding. The day I came home I could tell I needed to go on my medication. I was a mess, crying randomly, mood swings like crazy, I just was not me. I know that every mother has their hormones going nuts after having a baby but mine was a little worse. 3 days after we came home we had to go for Ryder's first doctors appointment, on the way home we almost got into an accident. I was a wreck. I couldn't stop crying, I was freaking out, couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if we did get into the accident. My mom looked at me and said you need your medicine. Once I started taking it I noticed a huge difference. I was happier, not crying as much, and not blaming myself for the stupidest things. I feel that Ryder deserves me to be myself and formula fed than breastfeeding him and have a legit crazy mom.
             Do you think the crack addict's baby should be drinking his mom's breast milk? No, he shouldn't. So breast is not always best. Think about the reasons why a mother is formula feeding before you say she is a bad mother because she could be in a situation like me, when in fact I am being a good mother because I am formula feeding.


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Breastfeeding vs Formula

*I am not a doctor, I have done my research but nothing of what I am going to talk about are facts for everyone. These are my PERSONAL opinions and experiences.*

One of the biggest decisions a mother has to make is how they are going to feed their newborn baby. You essentially have 2 choices: breastfeeding or formula. Immediately my heart was set on breastfeeding. I thought it was best for my baby, the healthiest for him and honestly the cheaper way to go. I read a bunch of books, watched videos on YouTube and talked to other breastfeeding mothers. Then a few weeks ago my aunt came over with some things she picked up for Ryder. One of the items she brought happened to be a box of formula. I asked why she would need to buy that for me. She and my mother looked at me and I knew it wasn’t going be a fun discussion. I was put on ADD medicine in the 4th grade and then added a depression medication in 8th grade. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped my medication. I’ll admit that I have seen a difference since I stopped the medications, especially with my depression. Some days are better than others. Some days I want to go out and do things; other days I just want to sit in my room. That being said, my depression is not severe. My doctor and I do not think I am a threat to myself or Ryder. My mother, aunt and I discussed the high possibility of me having to deal with postpartum depression. We also  discussed the possibility that I might have to immediately go back on my medication once I leave the hospital, but that meant would mean no breastfeeding. I did some research to see if there was any medication that is safe to take while breastfeeding. All of the medications said this medicine is a “safer” choice if you are going to breastfeed. None said “safe.” To me there is a huge difference. I was crushed. My heart was set on breastfeeding Ryder and now I might not be able to. My family said it was my choice, I didn’t have to go back on my medicine if I wanted to breastfeed. I decided it would be best for me to be in my right mind, happy, enjoying my son and formula feeding, than to be miserable, miss all the good things and be breastfeeding.

Soon after I came to terms with me having to formula feed, I came across a controversial argument on Facebook about breastfeeding. As I was reading the comments some things mothers were saying were pretty nasty. There were comments like “every mother should breastfeed” and “its wrong to formula feed”. These things made me feel like crap. Is it really better for the baby of a crack addict to be drinking his/her mother’s breast milk? No, I don’t think so. Is it better for my son to be getting my breast milk but having his mother not be completely in her right mind? Again, no, I don’t think so. People try to say formula is not good for babies and it causes a bunch of different health problems. Well from my personal experiences, the 2 kids in my family that were breastfed have ADD. A friend of ours breast fed her 3 children religiously and all 3 of them have autoimmune digestive health issues. The kids in my family that were formula fed are perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. If formula was not good for babies doctors would not have it in their offices and people would not be able to buy it. I will not be using formula as an easy way out or because I just don’t want to deal with breastfeeding. I probably will not be able to breastfeed. There are mothers physically can not breastfeed, so I feel that saying it is wrong for any woman to formula feed is offensive. People may think my decision is not the best for MY baby. But in the end, he is MY child, so I feel that I know his, and my, needs best.        

~Ryder is almost a month old, strictly on formula and he is amazingly healthy and growing at a perfect rate~